# “I Cried Out to God After Crash…” An Agnostic Converts to Islam!

- Language: en
- Published: 2026-08-26
- Canonical: https://blog.towardseternity.com/en/blog/i-cried-out-to-god-after-crash-an-agnostic-converts-to-islam
- Source video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkH6KKEiGe8
- Channel: Towards Eternity

This is the cleaned transcript of the source video. The speech is unaltered.

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I was raised Catholic. What's happening in these pictures on the wall, you know? There was Jesus, carrying the crucifix. Whenever I asked questions, I was told that I was naughty and shouldn't ask those questions. I walked away from the church in my teenage years and went out into the world pursuing a life of action sports. One day I went out with some friends. We find this really interesting area where there's lots of natural jumps that are shaped in crazy different ways. And then I decided, like, all right, I'm going to go into it a lot faster. I will, as fast as I can go. Get into it, come off it vertically.

And I'm like, "Oh, no." I started crying and I was like, what's the purpose of all this? What's the point of all of this struggle? Why am I going through all of these tests, test after test after test after test? I don't know what to call you and I don't know how to pray to you, so please, like, help me out, you know? And so I told my dad, who came with me. It was as if somebody else had taken my tongue and used it. So I said to him, "Maybe I'll visit a mosque, and maybe I'll become Muslim." I literally never thought about becoming a Muslim before that. Never. Assalamualaikum Brother Yusuf. Thank you for accepting our invitation. We are very happy to have you with us.

I want to start with, who is Yusuf? Can you tell us briefly about your life? Waalaikumassalam, brother. Thank you for having me. So, I am originally from Wales. My name is Joseph, so Yusuf is just a translation of the name. I was raised Catholic. I walked away from the church in my teenage years and went out into the world pursuing a life of action sports or extreme sports. I achieved success in that career but I wasn't fulfilled. And so then eventually I was led back to God and came to Islam on that journey. Alhamdulillah. How was your life before Islam? What were you believing in? Yeah, so I was raised Roman Catholic.

It wasn't really a place where we could openly discuss the topic of God, you know? I would go to church a lot. I was in Roman Catholic school. During school hours, they would take us to church. Priests would talk to us about certain things that he wanted to talk about, just monologues. And whenever I asked questions, I was told that I was naughty and shouldn't ask those questions. I remember distinctly one time when I was very young, before ten years old, I remember he waved his finger in my face and kind of laughed and then just walked off. His name was Joe, like myself. And I was like, "Father Joe, What's happening in these pictures on the wall," you know?

There was Jesus, carrying the crucifix. And I just wanted to understand in more detail what story was being played out. Yeah, it was not an environment where we could speak openly about the religion. And when it came to the second ritual of confirmation, where you confirm your baptism, you agree with your baptism. I said to my parents, "I don't agree, I don't confirm, because I don't know anything about the religion still." I've been coming to church for years now, but I don't know anything. So after I left the church, I'd have identified myself as agnostic, believing in something but not sure what it was. Before Islam, I was lost, I was completely lost and I had no idea why.

You know, it was just chaos and I had no purpose in life. You know, I was just going after, like, worldly gains, material. I was doing things that society was encouraging me to do, like, go achieve that, go achieve this. This is what success is. And it left me feeling empty inside. So I, Alhamdulillah, I was pulled away from it by God. What didn't make sense to you about Christianity? None of it made sense to me, to be honest. I mean, how could Jesus, peace be upon him, how could he be God and not know he was, and at the same time, while he's being crucified, cry out to God? So, he was crying out to himself. Um, that just didn't make sense, you know, illogical to me.

If he was God, surely he could just wipe out the Romans and walk away, you know, a free man, a free God, whatever you want to say, you know? Too many things didn't make sense. The whole thing didn't make sense. What was your interest and what was your dreams? My dreams were just to leave the society I was in. Because I knew that there had to be another way of life. Life couldn't just be about football and drinking alc*hol and getting a job that you hate and slowly killing yourself, you know? That can't be, that is not what life is about. And at the time, I knew that in my heart, you know? It wasn't logical base, it was a feeling. I knew that. I knew that life couldn't be like this.

So I had to leave and just get out of there and just get some fresh air and see something, the world from a different perspective. So why did you choose to have a profession in extreme sports, and what was the most risky activity you have ever done? I mean that career is a very risky career, you know? There were stories all the time of people that we knew, like, not coming home and dying in avalanches, or falling into what we call a tree well. So, you have big trees and the branches. They'll have a hollow space underneath where the snow can't reach. And people would fall into them, like, headfirst and just suffocate, you know?

So, constantly you're aware and you're like, really switched on, like, keeping track of every single person in your group, you know? And you had to be, like, switched on all the time, man. Because it's a super, super serious thing, you know? Even just riding up the mountain was the most dangerous part, because you had like hooligans going super fast. They would just come around corners on the wrong side and just smash into the other guy coming up the trail. One of them might die, or both of them might die. Or at least someone's going to break a leg. What was the thing that made you question your beliefs?

I go riding with some friends, and we find this really interesting area where there's lots of natural jumps that are shaped in crazy different ways. You can jump in interesting ways. We're just playing around there, having a good time for a while, and I hit this one jump a few times and it's going good. And then I decide like, all right, I'm going to go into it a lot faster. I hit the brake and I'm like, "Oh, no." Someone else landed here before me. You know, I wasn't using my mind. So I see that and I'm like, "Oh, no." I try and throw my snowmobile away from me. I'm like, I'll just throw my snowmobile and just land in the snow over here, I'll take a deep breath and it'll be fine.

No, I didn't have enough time to fully get away from my snowmobile. The snowmobile smacked the ground like this and pretty much stopped dead. Because it was a quite flat landing, smacked the ground like that. And the right part of my, the right side of my body, my right leg in particular, came down on top of the machine. And then my body kind of folded into the snow and my leg just exploded. And yeah, that wasn't fun. It definitely was not fun. It's the first time in my life I ever asked a grown man to hug me. On top of the mountain, two thousand meters. There's no way I can ride, get out of there myself. Like I'm useless, at this point.

Shock started occurring, you know, I started going into shock. And I started shaking and shaking and shaking and getting very uncomfortable. And so I say to the guy, "Just put your arm on me and just like, hold me down." And I just grabbed his arm like this, and I was just in a lot of pain, man. Like, I was making some noises too, you know? Screaming and moaning. And it took a total of 45 minutes for the helicopter to arrive. They gave me some laughing gas to take away the pain. I started making all these ridiculous jokes, you know, because literally it makes you delusional and you forget about... I didn't forget about the pain because they carry me on a stretcher now.

It took like eight guys because the snow is super deep. And they had to walk me back down to the helicopter, and my foot was just hanging off the stretcher like this. Like, I was on the stretcher, my body was fine, but my foot was just hanging off and I was like someone... Like, in so much pain. I was like, "Somebody, please just grab my foot and put it on the stretcher," you know? It was real bad. And I just, like, broke down, you know, I started crying, and I was like, "What's the purpose of all this?" "What's the point of all of this struggle?" Why am I going through all of these tests, test after test after test after test? And then we were talking.

I was like, "Okay, I need one more surgery on my leg." And he's like, "Well, there's nowhere really to do it in Bulgaria. So everyone from here goes to Istanbul." And that's why I came to Istanbul. When did you first hear about Islam? And how did your journey towards Islam begin? Yeah, so, after I came to Istanbul for the surgery, which was successful, Alhamdulillah. I had a feeling in my heart, like, I should stay here. And I didn't know why. And so, I told my dad who came with me. I was like, "Go back to Bulgaria and just leave me here, I'll be fine." He's like, "Are you sure?

What are you going to do?" And I was like, "To be honest, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm sure I'll be fine." Then it's coming closer to when my father is going to leave. And I say it was as if somebody else had taken my tongue and used it. Do you understand what I mean? Words came out of my mouth that I had never thought about before. So I said to him, "Maybe I'll visit a mosque and maybe I'll become Muslim." I literally never thought about becoming a Muslim before that. Never. I heard about Islam before, but like, I didn't believe the stereotypes. I'd never looked into the religion. I didn't know one single thing about it. I didn't know Mecca existed. I didn't know anything.

And I think I said it with a smile on my face, like there was a bit of a sarcastic tone. Like a joke, like it would... Like something that's never going to happen. It was very strange. It was very, very strange, you know? And so he left. And for the few... The last few days of him being here, I was getting a little concerned because I knew my situation wasn't good. I had very little money and still was doing physio after my latest surgery. You know, I had no friends in the city and I had no idea why I wanted to stay, but I had the feeling. So I'm in my bed in this hotel at night and I start praying again.

I'm like, "Oh God, please show me why I have this feeling to stay here." Like, "I know I should stay here, but show me why." A couple days later, I... I had enough of the physio, you know, like it was just drain. It was killing me, like mentally, physically, spiritually. And I was like, I need a break. Okay. What to do? So, I'm an archery fan as well. Archery is kind of in our blood in Wales. And I was like, I want to go see an Ottoman bow. I jump on the metro for the first time. I completely missed my stop, I got lost and I'm conscious of the time. So I'm walking really fast, in the direction I think I should go. Completely guessing. Like, logically guessing, you could say.

And something snapped me. Like I walked a long distance and something snapped me out of it. And I was like, okay, I'm tired, man. Like, I should take a break. I'm really hot. Ah, my foot hurts. Oh, I'm thirsty too. Like, okay, where am I? You know, where to take a break, right? And I look around and I'm like, in the garden of a mosque. And I look over here and there's a huge door, entrance to the mosque. And I kind of looked at it. I looked back and I was like... I just went for it, you know? I just got sucked into this place, you know? I completely forgot about my principles I had beforehand.

I got sucked into the mosque, and I get in there and I'm like, "Okay, now what?" Like, for a while, I'm just looking at the beauty of the mosque inside. Which I didn't know it was a place where tourists often visited, right? And I didn't go there for that purpose. I didn't know the mosque even existed. After some time looking at the architecture, I thought, okay, I'm in a mosque, a place of worship. I might as well pray. The only way I know how to pray, like a Christian. So I'm like, okay. Looking for a place to pray, right? It's full of tourists. So, it's kind of a funny experience. The people just separated like this. And I just went in between them to the front, to the barrier.

And I saw I had no distraction. There was no one too close to me. So I could really do a good prayer, you know? I crossed my hands like this, and I kind of faced my head up towards the dome of the mosque, picturing Heaven, you know, picturing talking to God in Heaven. And I'm like, "Oh, God." "I don't want to call you God because people say, 'Oh my God' when they have a problem." So, I mean, I have a problem, but like, I don't want to. It sounds like an insulting term. "I don't want to call you Lord because you sound like a rich English guy, And I'm Welsh." "I don't know what to call you. And I don't know how to pray to you. I don't know why I'm in a mosque or why I'm in Istanbul.

So please, like, help me out, you know?" Ten, fifteen minutes later, I got interrupted by a girl on this side of me. And she says, "Excuse me, excuse me." And I come out of the prayer and I look at her, say "Yes?" She says, "You speak English?" I say, "Yes." She says, "Do you want to learn about Islam?" And in my mind I'm thinking, "Maybe this is what I'm praying for." So I say, "Yeah, let's talk." And so, we find a nice spot to sit in the mosque. We sit for a couple hours, and during the conversation, my foot's killing me because I can't sit properly on the floor. So I'm praying for strength in my mind whilst listening to her at the same time.

And I'm like, God, help me receive whatever it is you want her to give me. Help me receive it. Help me, you know, take my pain away, help me focus. Because the pain was really pulling me out of the conversation. I was asking all sorts of questions and she was answering all of them. She didn't want to say, you can't ask that, you shouldn't ask this, you know, completely different welcome to what I had in the church. You know, even I was Catholic and they wouldn't answer my questions. Now, I wasn't Muslim and they were answering my questions. You know, everything made logical sense to me, but at the same time, everything felt right to me. Everything felt correct.

So she explained to me the basic fundamentals of Islam, right? The things you should believe in to be a Muslim. So, that there's only one God, that He created angels. He created prophets. He gave them books, revelations. That everything's destined, destiny exists. And, the afterlife, the Hereafter. Heaven or Hell. So I agreed with all these things. I never prayed to Jesus. I never prayed to Mary. None of that stuff made sense. They're just people. And so she's like, "If you agree with these things, then, you know, basically you're already a Muslim." "You just need to say this one or two lines and you'll become Muslim. So do you want to do it?" And I was like... Yeah, why not?

Yeah, so I did it. And then right after I took my Shahada... So I took my Shahada, which was a little bit of a nerve-wrecking experience because she waved over a bunch of people. And there's one big guy who, like, he looks like some Chechen warrior, and I'm like, okay, what's going on here, you know? So they take me to the front of the mosque and they sit in a circle with me, and they teach me how to say it properly. And they walk me through it. And then they... She actually is the one who gave me the name Yusuf. She's like, "Congratulations, Yusuf. You're now a Muslim." But they took me back to the center and they gave me more information, which was too much, too much.

And another brother, he saved me from it. He's like "Guys, guys, guys. Like, look at the guy. It's his first day. He just learned about the religion. Chill. We got time. We can talk to him about more stuff another time." So he really saved me. You know that many people that consider Islam have bad habits from their past life. Should such a person not become a Muslim, unless he or she has managed to abandon all of them? Definitely not. I don't think anyone should wait to become Muslim when they attain, when they make themselves into the perfect person. Because the perfect person doesn't exist, right? Angels were created as perfect beings, but humans were created as people that we do sin.

Everyone sins. Every single human sins, you know? So, even the best... Even the person who looks like what you would imagine the best Muslim to be, guaranteed, they sin. Guaranteed. And they know it, too. It's just in our nature. First become Muslim. Like, take it easy on yourself. You know, remind yourself that people sin, it's... If there were people who did not sin, if there was a society of people who did not sin, I would destroy them. And I would replace them with people who sin, so they could come back to me and ask for forgiveness.

As you stated before, there is a conception that when someone becomes a Muslim, he has to abandon his entire culture and change his identity, change his name, his clothing, become like an Arab. Is that true? Absolutely not. Like, there's some people who... I've discovered a Muslim who, like, I would never have guessed a Muslim. You know, they looked super westernized, just like a normal person you'd see in the West, you know? So it's not a thing that you have to... Now all of a sudden, you have to look like a super religious person just because you're Muslim. No. With robes, you know, I don't know, walk around with beads in your hand or something like this, you know?

Talking to yourself, not in your head or whatever, right? Personally, like, you know, I'm not going to change my name officially. It's just a translation of my name. Like in Turkey, they can't say Joe. They say "Yoe". So, just to make it easier, I'm like, "I'm Yusuf. Nice to meet you." You know, Yusuf, Joseph. Same thing, different language. I mean, I think it's a beautiful thing. For my first Ramadan, I got invited to Mecca. And I saw people from all cultures all over the world. And it was a beautiful thing. Everyone was Muslim. So it means we all agree on these basic principles of life and how life should be lived.

But we have our cultures that make us different and can connect us in different ways. Like I saw people dressed in like, fantastic ways I'd never seen before. You know, so you can keep your culture, absolutely. After becoming Muslim, have you ever experienced an extraordinary event where you felt that you had a special connection with Allah? First one is, I had, like, no money, like, a little money, and I was thinking, no problem. Allah will provide. You know, I'm good. No worries. I have a little bit of money. I should be careful how I use it. What I have left. But no problem. Allah will provide, you know. And then I get tested in a way, you know? This cat comes up to me and it's a mother.

A cat came up to me. It's a mother. It just had babies. And it's super hungry. It's like meowing at me in an aggressive way. Like I need food right now, you know? So I think to myself, I didn't think like, "Oh, I only have a little bit of money. I got to keep it for myself," you know? I got up, I just got up, I went and bought some food for the cat, fed the cat, you know, and it kept happening. There's cats everywhere that just had babies in this period of time. It's like the season, I guess. And I thought to myself, like, that's the correct thing to do. I can go hungry. No problem. I'm a fully grown man. I don't need food, really. You know, I'm not growing.

And this cat, like, it's starving and it has babies. And they need to grow and they can't fend for themselves. When they're older, they can, but they can't right now. Anyway, I used this little money I have left to feed these cats, right? Then one of my friends pulls me aside later on. He's like, "Brother, I just want to get an update from you. Tell me what's up. How are you doing? What's going on?" I said, "Okay, I'm trying to go east. I'm trying to study. I'm trying to study Islam deeper and get a more general understanding of the basics." But I said, "Right now what I'm doing, I'm trying. I'm focusing on...

I'm trying to sell a bunch of things and like, try and make some business deals work, find a better money, pay for the visa and the flight and then go there." I said, "Once I'm there, I know Allah will provide for me. I'll be good. No problem." But for now, I said, that's my mission, that's what I'm doing. And he said, "Why didn't you come and ask me?" And I was like, "Well, I just didn't." I don't know why, I just didn't. And he said, "Okay, what if I could try and find you a loan from some people?" And I said, "Bro, of course I would accept that. But the only issue is I don't know when I'd be able to pay you back. Like I'm still struggling with my leg.

I don't know when I could make the money. My idea is to study, not to make money." And he's like, "Okay, I understand." He's like, "Okay, see you later." We say goodbye, you know, comes to me the next day. He's like, "Brother, I found you some money from some people. And I said, "Okay, man. Amazing. That's okay. Who are the people? And when do they expect it back?" And he's like, "No, man. This is charity to you." Like they decided, because as Muslims you need to give if you have enough wealth, like if you're not poor, you have to give 2.5% of your savings every year in charity to someone or people in need, Zakat.

And he said, "This is their zakat." They had to give it to someone in need anyway. And you're the guy in need and you're seeking Islamic knowledge specifically." So he's like, "There's the money with no obligations attached to it." I was just like, that is insane, you know? And so I say to myself, maybe this was because of what I did with the cats. I don't know. You know, maybe because I put my trust in God to provide for me as He says He will do in the Qur'an. "I will provide." You know, mind blowing. People in the West generally stay cold towards Islam. What is the reason behind it, and what advice would you give to your fellow non-Muslim Westerners in a few minutes?

Yeah, what you say is true. There is a coldness or a reservation, you could say, or a blockage against Islam in the West. People are not open generally to talking about it or thinking about it. And this is because Islam has had a huge propaganda campaign against it for such a long period of time, you know? Generally, we all know propaganda is a tool of government, to control a narrative, to control a belief system, to control how people see something, right? We've seen it used throughout history many, many times as a tool to distract the masses or to take them away from the truth, or to lie from them in order to justify a certain action, right?

So if we all had the belief that the people in the Middle East, let's say generally the Muslim countries were beautiful, warm hearted, kind people who would give you the clothes off their back, which is what they are, by the way. That is what they are. But if everyone knew that and believed that, then the world would be outraged when they saw the destruction of one of these countries, right? But if everyone at home in the West believes that these people are somehow less civilized or human animals, as Netanyahu put it, then killing them and destroying them, it's not so much of a problem anymore. Now it's a bit more justified, you know?

And it makes the people accept these things happening a lot easier. Don't believe what you see in the media all the time. You know, if some media is being censored, generally that's the more truthful media, right? If it's being promoted by every other news outlet that exists, generally there's a reason for that. They want you to believe this thing for a certain reason. So look into things for yourself. We were born with a brain with which to think. Allah tells us this in the Qur'an. We were born with a brain with which to think, so use your own brain. Come to your own determination about certain things, certain people. Do your own research. Don't believe what you're told.

Find out things for yourself, you know? And stop trying to be like everyone else. Thank you Brother Yusuf so much for your sincere answers. May Allah reward you Inshallah, May Allah allow you to stay on the right path until your last breath, Inshallah. Thank you so much.