# STOP Forcing Your Kids to Pray! – The Secret to Raising Devoted Muslims!

- Language: en
- Published: 2026-08-26
- Canonical: https://blog.towardseternity.com/en/blog/stop-forcing-your-kids-to-pray-the-secret-to-raising-devoted-muslims
- Source video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2XBMaON2YQ
- Channel: Towards Eternity

This is the cleaned transcript of the source video. The speech is unaltered.

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What should we do to make our children pray regularly and make it into a habit? What are the do's and don'ts about it? I'm having difficulty in setting my child a goal and giving him a sense of responsibility. How can I make them become purposeful and responsible children? Stories are very important, I think. All of the stories of the prophets, the stories of the Sahaba, the Sirah, all of those things. If our children grow up with those, they're going to have a blueprint and they're going to have role models. We have to teach our daughters the why. If they have good friends who also wear the hijab, they will be influenced. How should we tell our kids about Allah?

What are the common mistakes that are made when doing this? That's a very good question. Assalamualaikum, Sheikha Fetama Barakatullah. Welcome to our children education concept. We have prepared some questions about childhood education for you. So, what should we do to make our children pray regularly and make it into a habit? What are the do's and don'ts about it? Bismillah. Alhamdulillah. Walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Thank you for this opportunity. So I think, in the early stage of life, you connect them to Allah. It's very important. Because it's that connection that makes them motivated with the prayer. Also, you can tell them the story of how the Salah was revealed.

If you tell your children that story, it gives them that connection. You know that, "Oh, I'm the Ummah of Muhammad (saw)." I'm from the Ummah of Muhammad (saw)." Because children, they actually learn more from stories than from a lecture. So once you've had that build up, then at the age of seven, you just start telling them casually, you know, "We're going to pray, come and pray with us." So you build them up to that, you're praying one, at least, Can you pray one a day at least? Can you pray two? And then maybe you can give rewards and things and build them up. Then at the age of ten, you make it clear to them now.

You know, some people, they even have a party and they say, "You're ten, you know, it means Salah is more important, right?" As the Prophet (saw) said that, "Discipline them if they don't pray by the age of ten." So now, you're getting more serious. So, it's a very gradual. You see, Islam doesn't talk about fixing things overnight. If you've done this from a young age, in the early years, you built their love and relationship with Allah, then you've started telling them to pray, and you're obviously praying as well, right? You make it something easy for them to do. You teach them all the elements of the prayer, etc. And then by the age of ten, they're practicing it.

By the time they reach the age of puberty, it is going to be a part of their life, most likely. Remember, when you're teaching your children Salah, you're teaching them what will protect them from fasha and munkar. Allah says in the Qur'an, right? That the Salah is what protects you and prevents you from falling into a lot of other evil things. So in other words, them leaving the Salah is them in danger. That's how you got to see it as a parent. But I think another element that's very important in this is taking our children to Muslim countries, where Islam is strong, this Islamic identity is strong, where Salah is honored.

There, the kind of psychological confidence, and identity building they get in that setting is something you can't buy, you know? Is forbidding things and punishing children really a solution? It doesn't seem like a fun solution for kids at all. So, saying no is very important. A child that never hears no is going to grow up with very strange boundaries. Probably narcissistic, probably have all sorts of problems, you know? Maybe some personality disorders even, right? But it's not about just giving them a bunch of rules. It's actually about nurturing them in such a way that they understand the why. They understand why they're doing the things that they're doing.

At the same time, remember, there are rules. For example, we expect our children to brush their teeth, right? The government, there's usually laws that say you have to wear a seatbelt. So your child, you don't accept your child saying, "No, I don't want to wear a seatbelt." You put the seatbelt on, you force them to put the seatbelt on if need be, right? You might push them in order to get them away from danger at some point. So there's always things that we do as parents, because we care about our children. And boundaries that we're setting and rules that we're setting because they don't know what's good for them at the moment. We do. So, it's not about fun.

It's about growing up as a healthy, balanced human being. You need the rules as well as the love and the fun. So, it's a balance. At what age should Islamic education start and what type of methods should we follow? As Towards Eternity, we need your support. We are a charity organization that aims to spread the message of Islam to the entire world in ten languages. With your support, you can help people convert to Islam, give up harams, start praying, wear hijab, learn to read the Qur'an and so on. And get your share from all these good deeds, Inshallah. Donate to Towards Eternity and don't miss this golden opportunity.

At what age should Islamic education start and what type of methods should we follow? That's a very good question. I think childhood or thinking about your children begins when you're getting married, I would say. And I don't think people think about that enough, because you're not going to be a couple forever. You're going to have children. Islamically there's actually a saying attributed to Ali (ra) that, "Play with them for seven, and instruct them and educate them for seven, and then be their companion for seven years." Up to the age of seven, I would say, children learn through play.

They learn from love, through love, and the things that you love and the love that you show them and the positive associations you give them will affect them. I think that's the stage when you want to now connect them to Creation, to the world. Show them the beauty of the world and how Allah has created it. Take them away from the screens, you know. Don't let screens be something that you introduce to them at that stage. Because that will take them away from being connected to nature and to the Creation. The more connected I feel they are to nature and the Creation, the easier it is for them to have a connection with Allah. How should we tell our kids about Allah?

What are the common mistakes that are made when doing this? So, what you don't want to do is give them a list of beliefs. That's not how you teach a little child about Allah. They already have a fitra which is the innate disposition towards Allah. All you are doing is nurturing that and bringing that out. And I think in the early years, the way to do that is, first of all, connect them to Creation. Let them be exposed to as much nature as possible and show them that Allah created this. As Muslims, we have to have a balance, love, hope and fear. And with those three elements comes the balance. Because you love Allah, but you're never complete.

You don't feel like you're saved regardless of what you do, so you don't have endless hope. And you have a healthy amount of fear in the sense that you... Like, you have fear of your father, you know, like awe of Allah. So I think all those three elements are important for a child. You can introduce them to the fact that Allah punishes, but you want their personal connection to Allah to be one that is based on love. You know, giving them good news, giving them glad tidings, right? So there is this question. I'm having difficulty in setting my child a goal and giving him a sense of responsibility. How can I make them become purposeful and responsible children?

I think from an early age, it starts with when you're telling them the stories. Stories are very important, I think. All of the stories of the prophets, the stories of the Sahaba, the Sirah, all of those things. If our children grow up with those, they're going to have a blueprint. And they're going to have role models. Then, I think it's a case of actually sitting down and allowing your child to express what do they see their vision and their future as. I actually have some prompts and questions that I ask my teenage kids about their future, and just get them to sit down and write the answers about each of those things. Things like, for example, what are some of the skills you have?

What are you passionate about, right? 3 or 4 things that you are passionate about, that you enjoy. Where do you see yourself in five years time? So yeah, it's really important for young people to have a vision. And then you could help them figure out how to reach, or at least start making the steps towards it. We know that social media has a huge influence on the perception of beauty, as you just mentioned, and our daughters might find it really hard to hide their beauty by wearing hijab. So how should we facilitate this process of wearing hijab for them under these hard conditions?

So I think the mom's attitude towards hijab, and other female relatives' attitudes towards hijab is going to have an impact. Also, their friends. Again, it's a really important. I can't actually overemphasize that. If they have good friends who also wear the hijab, they will be influenced. If they have, especially older girls, maybe their cousins or even other older girls, usually girls look up to other older girls, if they are embracing the hijab. Then also we have to teach our daughters the why. You know, sometimes we just tell them the rules, but we don't actually enroll them, what you call enrolling them into this, you know?

And the way you enroll them, I think, again, starts from a young age. You're talking positive about the hijab. You sometimes let them wear it, you know, practice, from the age of seven, whenever they want. No rules. Just let them be easy with the hijab, it is something positive and easy for them. By about the age of ten, probably because, you know, girls can sometimes reach puberty before boys, younger than boys. You do want them to start wearing it more, you know, and realizing that once they reach puberty, they should wear it. And I think we have to teach them about Allah's (swt) wisdom.

You know, that Allah is the one who commanded us as women to dress in this way when we go out in public. Because Allah wants to protect us, because we are precious. And we have to share with them what's going on in society, the evils that are going on in society, how girls are taken advantage of. When they know the why, it makes them stronger in actually sticking to it and doing it. We know that the root cause of this much social media usage has to do with wanting to feel relevant and valuable. What should be done so that our children don't look for this value outside? Yeah, I think that's why I say, please, delay the introduction to those phones as long as possible.

And then have times when those phones are not there and you're out in nature. You know, you book things for them, interesting things to do. Suddenly they'll discover the real world. because that's the problem, isn't it? They're living in a virtual world, not in the real world. This holiday, for example, we weren't going abroad with some of our children. I said to one of my children, what can we do here in London? So we made a plan. We sat down. We have a diary, we make a plan. We're going to visit lots of different things in London, right? Even within your own city, there are so many interesting things for them to see and do, probably.

If you put those in your diary, you take the time to spend with them. Also, I think making sure that they develop healthy friendships is very important, you know? Because obviously at a certain age, our children's peers actually influence them more than us. They have more of a grip on them than us. So, one of the best things you could do as a parent is from a young age, to help your children curate a good friendship group. Sometimes those friendship groups can be from school, sometimes they might not be people at school. So you have to invite people to your house, or you have to go put your children into Muslim clubs.

So, believers, obviously, we're talking about good Muslim children who can be your children's peers. Because later on, when your children are not as open to your thoughts and your ideas, their friends will actually help them to stay on the right path, Inshallah. So as a scholar, do you know of any spot on observations, teachings from the Qur'an about childhood education? Can you give us some examples? In the Qur'an, there are various things we can learn. One of them is about the dua that parents make for the children. So many of the prophets in the Qur'an, they've made duas for their children. Not just for their children, but for future generations. They were thinking long term.

"Make me establish the prayer and make my children establish the prayer, and do not turn your cheek in contempt towards people and do not walk through the Earth exultantly." So here, it's about, you're teaching your child, their relationship with the world. What is the nature of your relationship with the world? One of humility. Don't be arrogant with other people. Don't look down on other people. And don't walk through the Earth like you own it. Allah doesn't love the self-deluded and boastful. And then lastly, be moderate in your pace. And He says, "And lower your voice." Don't shout. It's just beautiful the way He's teaching the most essential things.

Your relationship with Allah, relationship with your parents, and then with the world around you and society. Not to be an annoying, outcast person, right? So lastly, what are the three things in childhood education for which you can say if all parents pay attention to these things, a generation of exemplary Muslims would grow up? Subhanallah. That's a very deep question. So, I would say, of course, dua. Like, I just want to really emphasize dua here for a moment. Because you know, we can't be with our children all the time. We can't control what they're exposed to. It's really from Allah, whether they even accept something or not.

So we have to ask Allah the beautiful dua, "Grant us from our spouses and our children, or our progeny, the coolness of our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous." In the tafseer of this dua, the scholars say, "What does it mean, the coolness of our eyes?" It means that when you look at your children and your spouse worshiping Allah, then you feel happiness. That's what it actually means. The happiness that comes from seeing your children and your spouse, being obedient and worshiping and working in Allah's way, in other words. And being leaders of the righteous. So, not always following the trends. You know, I think that's one way you could put it. So, dua is very important.

Other elements I think, that are important are, of course, trying to have as intact a family as possible. Doing your best to keep your family intact. Working through problems rather than, you know, breaking up families, I think. Because the impact of a father and mother, both of them, is so important on the development of a child. Also, I would say friendship group. Like, I can't keep emphasizing that enough. What we were trying to do is curate friends for them, more than anything else. And mentors, so all of the teachers are Muslim. I think those two elements are very important. Friendship group of your children and having access to a group of Muslim kids who they can grow up with.

Those things are what's going to keep them on the path, Inshallah. One more thing I want to mention is I would like to encourage parents to work on and write a vision for their family. Just like I was saying, make family your finest project. Anyone who runs a company knows that they have to have a vision. They have to have a mission statement. I would really encourage you to get together as a couple and write a vision for your family. Write a mission statement or a vision for your family. Be aligned as much as possible on all the important elements and see family as your finest project.