Finding My True Self: A Journey of Faith and Freedom

Introduction

I grew up in America as a Thai American in Enid, Oklahoma, in a home shaped by faith. My father was a pastor in the Presbyterian Church, and as such, my upbringing was steeped in Christianity. The influence of fame can be beguiling; it often appears glamorous and offers an illusion of control. In truth, the desire for recognition led me down a path where my life became orchestrated by an agency, leaving me feeling empty and questioning my identity.

Life Before Islam

Upon graduating with a master’s degree, I ventured to Thailand, where I joined the Miss Thailand pageant. This experience opened doors in acting and modeling, ultimately leading me to Malaysia. Fame engulfed me, yet beneath the surface, I battled feelings of depression and despair. I often pondered, “Who is Aliza?” My life was dictated by external expectations, and I often found myself devoid of genuine choices.

Despite superficial success, I felt enslaved. I was caught in a cycle of performing emotions dictated by scripts rather than my own feelings. This profound emptiness compelled me to seek spirituality.

Questioning My Beliefs

Growing up in a devout Christian family, spiritual practices were ingrained in my identity. However, the fame I gained made me question the authenticity of those beliefs. I began examining the Bible and the foundations of Christianity. Mindful of the many denominations, I sought the truth and realized that the history of Christianity often seemed violent. I wondered if true faith should be tied to such a tumultuous past.

A pivotal moment came when I befriended a Muslim in Malaysia, who prayed five times a day. Witnessing this devotion stirred something in me. I admired how their faith shaped their daily lives and offered a level of discipline and connection to God that I had been lacking.

The Turn Toward Islam

My curiosity about Islam deepened when I attended a class at Sheikh Hussain Yee’s Islamic center. There, I encountered pamphlets that resonated deeply with me. The explanations about Tawhid—the oneness of God—felt intuitively right. I was surprised to find commonalities between Islamic teachings and my Christian upbringing. The stories of the prophets felt familiar, yet the cultural nuances were foreign to me at that moment.

Even in the modeling industry I existed in, I felt something wasn’t right. The experience of engaging with these Islamic teachings allowed me to reflect on my values, and I recognized that they aligned beautifully with Islam. I felt liberated.

Conversion to Islam

As my journey continued, I was met with friendly guidance from others within the Muslim community who encouraged my exploration of Islam. Eventually, I encountered Ustadh Sharif who challenged my perfectionist tendencies and the fear that was holding me back. His words struck a chord: “How long do you think it will take to learn everything before becoming Muslim?” This realization shifted something within me.

When I recited the Shahada—the declaration of faith—I experienced a wave of transformation. It felt as though my past was stripped away, and I was filled with an indescribable lightness. For the first time, I understood the essence of freedom through Islam.

Finding Community and Acceptance

Upon embracing Islam, I felt a sense of acceptance within the Muslim community. The love and kindness I experienced contrasted sharply with my past encounters in the entertainment realm. No longer did my worth hinge on external validation. I was defined by my faith and values, and not by societal expectations.

I began to connect deeply with fellow Muslims, who became my newfound family. They cherished my presence without the burdens of fame or success. Our bond was centered around our shared faith and support for one another.

Misconceptions about Islam and Women

A common misconception is that Islam oppresses women. However, I argue that authentic Islamic values elevate women and bestow upon them rights and respect. Among dedicated Muslim men, I experienced nothing but respect for my voice and intelligence. Women are treated with honor in Islam, and I felt empowered to express my opinions and take on roles that mattered.

Why Islam?

When asked why I chose Islam among countless options, I respond that I appreciate the clarity the faith provides. The structure of Islamic rulings offers guidance—guidance that was absent in my previously chaotic life. The confidence that came from embracing religious obligations reinforced my self-worth.

Encouraging Self-Reflection

For those who seek fulfillment in external validation through fame or beauty, I urge you to question its validity. True happiness comes from within. Don’t associate your worth with how others perceive you. Instead, embrace your identity and seek a source that nurtures your spirit. For me, that source was Islam.

---

Conclusion

The journey of embracing Islam has been transformative, leading to a profound sense of freedom and belonging that I had never experienced before. If you navigate through life’s complexities and searches for fulfillment, know that the path of faith can offer deep understanding, joy, and community.