7 Toxic Personalities: Stay Away for Your Mental Health
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"A person is the average of the 5 people he spends the most time with." When I said this, our friends started to come to our minds, right? Everyone around us affects us positively or negatively. That's why our elders often say things like “Choose your friend well” And so today we will look at 7 types of people that many people say should be avoided based on their experiences. You're talking about a topic with someone. You tell your opinions, and then the other person throws all you said in the trash and they put themselves forward by saying "It's not like that, but like this" and they do this several times in a row.
If arrogant behaviours were always that obvious, you wouldn't want to be close to those people anyway. Sometimes this person might be a close friend of yours and you might not notice their arrogance because of your friendship. And even without you realizing they begin to infect you with this habit and encouraging you to be like them to Everyone except them is an extra. They think of themselves as the center of the world. They constantly connect the topic to themselves and talk about themselves. Supposedly, they are the best of everything. Most people other than them are wrong. They don't accept their shortcomings, their flaws.
They want to be praised constantly, whether what they do is worth appreciating or not. Arrogance. It is in fact the first sin in Islam, It is what makes the devil the devil. We will look at ourselves first. “Do I have this?” Then we will stay away from the person who has adopted this character so that they do not infect us without realizing it. Humility, which is the exact opposite of arrogance, is a sunnah of the prophet (pbuh) and the most beautiful of morals. This phrase sums up the issue very well: "The higher a person sees themselves, the lower they actually are." Those who think of themselves as experts, even though they don't have the required knowledge.
There are two words in Islamic terminology: "Takalluf", "Jahli murakkab". "Takalluf" means this: Far-fetched behaviors, trying to look like someone you are not. Getting into topics that they won't be able to handle and wasting other people's time for nothing. Trying to make it seem like they know the answer to a question even though they actually don't. Attitudes and behaviors like these. People like this usually have something to say to every word they hear. They can blindly, aimlessly defend something without understanding it. They don't listen to reason and they don't respect other people's opinions. If they call white black, you can't change their mind.
They never admit that they don't know something, which is actually the definition of "Jahli Murakkab". In other words, they both don't know and they are not aware of the fact that they don’t know, which makes them think that it's the other person who doesn't know. Let me ask a little bit classic but famous question: Is this glass half full or half empty? As the simplest example, pessimistic, negative people are the people who say half empty. By the way, you didn't say "half empty", right? When you buy something new, pessimistic people say that it's very bad, that you made the wrong decision. When you make a plan, they say “no you can't do that".
Let's say you're going to start a new business. They'll say such discouraging things that you start to doubt your decision and you'll regret telling them about it. They evaluate everything by predicting the worst possible outcomes. Even worse, mostly because of their pessimistic state. Bad things really happen to them. No matter how many solutions you offer, all those solutions will have a problem. They instill fear and anxiety in every environment. Our Prophet (pbuh) says: "Whoever believes in Allah and the judgment day should either speak good or keep silent." These people always suck all your energy by looking at the bad side of everything and not speaking good.
They will pull you into this dark pit that they themselves are in. If you want to do good things, don't let them ruin your life. There's a saying that goes: "Gossip is the entertainment of simple-spirited people." By doing this, they show that they have no respect for the lives of others. And by dragging you into it, they show that they have no respect for you as well. Spending time with them can cause you to feel hatred and hostility unnecessarily as this habit continues. It becomes almost an addiction and they end up not being able to keep anything to themselves. They even start back biting people they don't even know.
Although sometimes to clear their conscience, they say that they are telling the truth. But that's the very definition of gossip anyway. Telling a fact about someone to someone else without their consent. If they say something that's not true, that's called slander which is something totally different. They easily commit this sin, which is defined in the Qur'an as something as ugly as "eating the flesh of your dead brother". And don't worry, if they're gossiping about someone else in front of you, they’ll probably gossip about you with someone else, too.
It's very strange that a person is constantly interested in the lives of other people when there are so many things to explore, both outside and inside of themselves. Solution. Simply, express your dislike about this behavior and that you don’t find it right, and offer to change the topic. After some time, they will understand they can't do it with you. The complaining type find something to complain about everywhere you go, in every situation. They may complain about the heat in summer, the cold in winter, the wind blowing in spring, and the leaves making a mess in fall. When you go to a restaurant, they talk about everything that's wrong with the food.
They can talk about how complicated the city is, about the state of their house. They can always find a topic to complain about. It's almost impossible to satisfy such people. They are never content. They don't know how to be grateful When the purpose of our life is already a test, frankly speaking, it is pointless and useless to complain about everything that happens to us. If you spent too much time with them, you will probably experience the following. Your life is normally good and you don't have any major problems. But all of a sudden you look at your life and say, Yeah, that's right. Why is this like that? Why is that so? And starting to complain about your life constantly.
This quote from Tolstoy analyzes the issue very well: The life you are complaining about is perhaps someone else's dream. Some people have small loaves of bread, some have small diamonds. First, they think that they need to do something, Then the required effort comes to their mind. And finally they decide that the work is not that necessary. If they need to cook, they try to fight hunger. They always postpone things. They constantly request the things they are lazy about from others. They have their own understanding of cleanliness and order. They want to go somewhere and they want go. You make a plan and they want follow it. You ask for something and they will make you beg for it.
Although they seem harmless, they lower the average diligence of the environment they are in. Even our Prophet (pbuh) took refuge in Allah from this habit. The ayah, When you finish one job, start another. also commands us to be hardworking. In Islam, working is seen as an act of worship. Put a certain distance between you and the lazy people. So that this characteristic does not reflect on you either. Don't waste your priceless time with laziness.
While listening, a question may have come to your mind like, "Well, the person you are talking about is someone from my family or a relative, so there is no possibility for me to break off my relationship with them.” Even if this didn't happen to you, you might have said, "Yeah, what are those people going to do?" I would like to give you an example in the Risale-i Nur tafsirs exactly related to this topic. When the ayah "The believers indeed are brothers..." is explained, this example is given: For example, imagine a ship and that there are 1 criminal and 9 innocent people on board. If we sink this ship because of that 1 criminal, we will be persecuting 9 innocent people.
Even if there are 9 criminals and only 1 innocent person, we still can't sink that ship because of that one innocent person. Just like in this example, yes, that relative of ours may have bad habits, but along with them, they also have good traits, and in fact, they have way more good traits than bad traits. So, we need to take these good qualities into account and show tolerance to the bad ones. In fact, because the devil has deceived them, We should try to find ways to help them fix their bad traits by feeling compassion for them. This actually applies not only to people in our family but also to people outside.
If they have more good qualities compared to bad ones, if we have commonalities between us, like the fact that our religion, our prophet, and our Lord are one and the same. Or that the region we live in, our nation or our society is the same. Aren't these things common aspects that always connect us to each other? If I see these bad qualities in someone, if possible, I should try and fix the problem instead of walking away. And if I'm left with no other choice but to distance myself, I need to do it by feeling compassion for them, not by speaking ill of them. Yes, there are many characteristics that can put people in the category of “to be avoided.” Finally, none of us are perfect.
As we said, everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. But if we don't look at our flaws, but instead, every time we see a bad trait in someone, we directly condemn and label them. This can make us a “flaw finder”, meaning the first type of people to be avoided.
If arrogant behaviours were always that obvious, you wouldn't want to be close to those people anyway. Sometimes this person might be a close friend of yours and you might not notice their arrogance because of your friendship. And even without you realizing they begin to infect you with this habit and encouraging you to be like them to Everyone except them is an extra. They think of themselves as the center of the world. They constantly connect the topic to themselves and talk about themselves. Supposedly, they are the best of everything. Most people other than them are wrong. They don't accept their shortcomings, their flaws.
They want to be praised constantly, whether what they do is worth appreciating or not. Arrogance. It is in fact the first sin in Islam, It is what makes the devil the devil. We will look at ourselves first. “Do I have this?” Then we will stay away from the person who has adopted this character so that they do not infect us without realizing it. Humility, which is the exact opposite of arrogance, is a sunnah of the prophet (pbuh) and the most beautiful of morals. This phrase sums up the issue very well: "The higher a person sees themselves, the lower they actually are." Those who think of themselves as experts, even though they don't have the required knowledge.
There are two words in Islamic terminology: "Takalluf", "Jahli murakkab". "Takalluf" means this: Far-fetched behaviors, trying to look like someone you are not. Getting into topics that they won't be able to handle and wasting other people's time for nothing. Trying to make it seem like they know the answer to a question even though they actually don't. Attitudes and behaviors like these. People like this usually have something to say to every word they hear. They can blindly, aimlessly defend something without understanding it. They don't listen to reason and they don't respect other people's opinions. If they call white black, you can't change their mind.
They never admit that they don't know something, which is actually the definition of "Jahli Murakkab". In other words, they both don't know and they are not aware of the fact that they don’t know, which makes them think that it's the other person who doesn't know. Let me ask a little bit classic but famous question: Is this glass half full or half empty? As the simplest example, pessimistic, negative people are the people who say half empty. By the way, you didn't say "half empty", right? When you buy something new, pessimistic people say that it's very bad, that you made the wrong decision. When you make a plan, they say “no you can't do that".
Let's say you're going to start a new business. They'll say such discouraging things that you start to doubt your decision and you'll regret telling them about it. They evaluate everything by predicting the worst possible outcomes. Even worse, mostly because of their pessimistic state. Bad things really happen to them. No matter how many solutions you offer, all those solutions will have a problem. They instill fear and anxiety in every environment. Our Prophet (pbuh) says: "Whoever believes in Allah and the judgment day should either speak good or keep silent." These people always suck all your energy by looking at the bad side of everything and not speaking good.
They will pull you into this dark pit that they themselves are in. If you want to do good things, don't let them ruin your life. There's a saying that goes: "Gossip is the entertainment of simple-spirited people." By doing this, they show that they have no respect for the lives of others. And by dragging you into it, they show that they have no respect for you as well. Spending time with them can cause you to feel hatred and hostility unnecessarily as this habit continues. It becomes almost an addiction and they end up not being able to keep anything to themselves. They even start back biting people they don't even know.
Although sometimes to clear their conscience, they say that they are telling the truth. But that's the very definition of gossip anyway. Telling a fact about someone to someone else without their consent. If they say something that's not true, that's called slander which is something totally different. They easily commit this sin, which is defined in the Qur'an as something as ugly as "eating the flesh of your dead brother". And don't worry, if they're gossiping about someone else in front of you, they’ll probably gossip about you with someone else, too.
It's very strange that a person is constantly interested in the lives of other people when there are so many things to explore, both outside and inside of themselves. Solution. Simply, express your dislike about this behavior and that you don’t find it right, and offer to change the topic. After some time, they will understand they can't do it with you. The complaining type find something to complain about everywhere you go, in every situation. They may complain about the heat in summer, the cold in winter, the wind blowing in spring, and the leaves making a mess in fall. When you go to a restaurant, they talk about everything that's wrong with the food.
They can talk about how complicated the city is, about the state of their house. They can always find a topic to complain about. It's almost impossible to satisfy such people. They are never content. They don't know how to be grateful When the purpose of our life is already a test, frankly speaking, it is pointless and useless to complain about everything that happens to us. If you spent too much time with them, you will probably experience the following. Your life is normally good and you don't have any major problems. But all of a sudden you look at your life and say, Yeah, that's right. Why is this like that? Why is that so? And starting to complain about your life constantly.
This quote from Tolstoy analyzes the issue very well: The life you are complaining about is perhaps someone else's dream. Some people have small loaves of bread, some have small diamonds. First, they think that they need to do something, Then the required effort comes to their mind. And finally they decide that the work is not that necessary. If they need to cook, they try to fight hunger. They always postpone things. They constantly request the things they are lazy about from others. They have their own understanding of cleanliness and order. They want to go somewhere and they want go. You make a plan and they want follow it. You ask for something and they will make you beg for it.
Although they seem harmless, they lower the average diligence of the environment they are in. Even our Prophet (pbuh) took refuge in Allah from this habit. The ayah, When you finish one job, start another. also commands us to be hardworking. In Islam, working is seen as an act of worship. Put a certain distance between you and the lazy people. So that this characteristic does not reflect on you either. Don't waste your priceless time with laziness.
While listening, a question may have come to your mind like, "Well, the person you are talking about is someone from my family or a relative, so there is no possibility for me to break off my relationship with them.” Even if this didn't happen to you, you might have said, "Yeah, what are those people going to do?" I would like to give you an example in the Risale-i Nur tafsirs exactly related to this topic. When the ayah "The believers indeed are brothers..." is explained, this example is given: For example, imagine a ship and that there are 1 criminal and 9 innocent people on board. If we sink this ship because of that 1 criminal, we will be persecuting 9 innocent people.
Even if there are 9 criminals and only 1 innocent person, we still can't sink that ship because of that one innocent person. Just like in this example, yes, that relative of ours may have bad habits, but along with them, they also have good traits, and in fact, they have way more good traits than bad traits. So, we need to take these good qualities into account and show tolerance to the bad ones. In fact, because the devil has deceived them, We should try to find ways to help them fix their bad traits by feeling compassion for them. This actually applies not only to people in our family but also to people outside.
If they have more good qualities compared to bad ones, if we have commonalities between us, like the fact that our religion, our prophet, and our Lord are one and the same. Or that the region we live in, our nation or our society is the same. Aren't these things common aspects that always connect us to each other? If I see these bad qualities in someone, if possible, I should try and fix the problem instead of walking away. And if I'm left with no other choice but to distance myself, I need to do it by feeling compassion for them, not by speaking ill of them. Yes, there are many characteristics that can put people in the category of “to be avoided.” Finally, none of us are perfect.
As we said, everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. But if we don't look at our flaws, but instead, every time we see a bad trait in someone, we directly condemn and label them. This can make us a “flaw finder”, meaning the first type of people to be avoided.