Critical Tips on GEN Z Parenting! - Change Your Child’s Future in 18 Minutes!
Published on
Is it right to do everything the child says and buy everything he wants? When and how should we give privacy education to our children? My spouse and I have very different opinions related to raising children. How can we meet on a common ground? There's another question from a mother. My husband smokes and drinks, and our children see him. What can I do about it? The latest model of the phone has been bought for him. This has been bought, that has been bought. There's no such thing as a target or a dream for him anymore. This problem is not the child's problem. It's the parents' problem. Don't use words in the education of children.
The key thing in childhood education is body language, the language of behavior. Welcome again brother Ahmet. In our previous video, you answered our questions on childhood education. We learned really important information, and received very good feedbacks from our followers. Today we are going to ask you some questions that we received from mothers. Let's start with the first one. I can't be patient with my child's actions. I'm having a very hard time. How can we manage to restrain ourselves when we get very angry? This problem is not the child's problem. It's the parents' problem. It's a problem of parents who cannot manage their emotions.
We've come to this world so that some people will make us angry, some people will make us jealous, some will make us stubborn, and some will provoke us. We'll be tested like that. Not only our children, but also our neighbors, employees, employers will do things that will make us angry from time to time. That's why the verse in the Quran tells about controlling our anger. The parents have a problem. They need to go through anger management, to manage their emotions. If they have psychological problems, they need treatment. Otherwise such parents will make their child angry as well. Because being patient in childhood education is not like this.
The father gnashes his teeth and says "Oh Allah, oh my Lord, give me patience." It's not like that. In that case you transmit your anger to the child. It's a parental issue. They might be having problems between them. If the parents are not happy, things will not go well. Parents are role models. They should show examples of live by living. What can parents who fight everyday teach the child? How can they talk about prayer, how can such parents talk about religion, religious values, and patience? Values are abstract. There's a need for people to make them concrete. To illustrate and represent them in their life. And these people should be the parents.
We experience the following examples a lot. And 8-year-old child beats his 5-year-old brother. Shouts at him and beats him. The father comes and slaps the older one. He shouts out, "Why do you beat your brother? "Don't beat him!" Look, the father says something with his mouth but something else with his actions. He does the same thing as the older child does. If you ask the older brother, he will say his brother misbehaved. If you ask the father, he will say the older brother misbehaved. The same thing. You teach the negative by living. Ibn-i Sina, and the West knows him as Avicenna, says "Don't use words in the education of children.
The key thing in childhood education is body language, the language of behavior." Shall we try something? I will ask for a number but I don't want you to think about it. You should reply immediately. How much is this? - Two. How many fingers are there in one hand? - Ten. How many fingers are there in one hand? - Five. Yeah, see? What did I tell you? How many fingers are there in one hand? You said 10, you didn't listen to my words. You looked at my hands. The child looks at what you do. He does not look at what you say. You can say as much as you want, "One hand son, one hand." Over and over again, but... But you have raised both hands. Do you want rules at home?
Make the father follow the rules and make the mother also follow the rules. Leave the example. And the children will follow anyway. His circle of friends affects my child a lot. What steps should we take in this regard? Some mothers and fathers, yeah, keep the child at home because they think he'll be influenced by someone else outside in the wrong way. They don't allow him to go out. This is wrong. This child will eventually go out, and see the real life outside. He should learn it early. "But it's so bad outside." Yes, but it's bad for everyone's children. But you will eventually send the child into that environment. It won't get any better in the future.
You can allow the child to go out in a controlled setting. But of course you need to be careful about how he chooses his friends. The child may be wrongly influenced by his friends outside. He might learn wrong things. I say it again. If there's a bond of love and trust between you and the child, the child will come and tell you about them. He will inform you. If the child can't tell you those things out of fear then be afraid, because when you hear it, it will be too late. If there are dangerous friends and a dangerous environment, and if you say "Never meet that man, that child, that woman, that girl again." By imposing bans, you'll make him meet that person more.
You should come up with alternatives. Try to form different environments with children from his age group. You have to work on it. Try to form circles of good friends. If you already have basic values, and if your child has accepted those values, The child will immediately start to notice the mistakes he sees in the environment. He will reject them anyway. He won't accept them. He will come and tell you. "Mom, what a bad person he is, he takes drugs." "Really, my son? Yes, you must be really careful." And he'll say, "Of course, mom. I won't see him again." He will say this to you. If he has a bond with you, if his values are nurtured, the child will run away himself.
Because human beings reject things that are contrary to their nature. Is it right to do everything the child says and buy everything he wants? As parents, we don't want our children to be deprived of anything. It's absolutely wrong. I'll get whatever my child wants, right or wrong? It's completely wrong. Let me tell you the result. An insatiable child will emerge. Most of the children and adults who use drugs and alcohol were treated like that in the past. So, think about it. The child is only 10 years old. But everything was given to him. He tasted everything. The latest model of the phone has been bought for him. This has been bought, that has been bought.
There's no such thing as a target or a dream for him anymore. When the child gets them, he uses them for five minutes and gets bored. And he throws them aside. That's why it's not appropriate to buy a lot of toys The child needs parents, he needs relatives. He will receive the love from them. He just learns how to have fun with the toys. But when he plays with someone else it starts to turn into a communication. That's something else. The point that an insatiable child will get is to try to reach the things that give high pleasure. Therefore, we must be moderate. Something can be bought only if it's necessary. If it's not necessary, don't buy it. It's that simple.
Boy insists at 11 PM, "Go and buy me a burger." Don't do it. “Where can I find you a burger at this time of night, son? Not at this hour.” That's it. Say, "We won't. Okay, my love?" No need to shout, just take a determined stance. What type of solution can be used if there's constant fight and conflict between siblings? Fighting and conflict between siblings is a dealing mechanism that is learned. Because the parents have quarrels and conflicts between themselves. The children imitate them. That is what I want to emphasize. The child wants what his role models do. We are so happy. We have a great relationship as a couple, as parents, but our children fight. It's highly unlikely.
But if this actually happens, then he is a television boy. TV series, movies... It means the child was left unattended. And needless to say, a good mother and father won't do that either. We can see fathers who don't care about their children or who treat them very harshly. What method can mothers use in that case? Both are dangerous, that is... It's dangerous if the father is harsh, or uncaring. What lies behind the father's lack of care might be reasons such as the father might have wanted to distance himself from home. He might be workaholic. He might be coming home late. or he might be angry or furious. We have to know if there's a problem between him and the mother.
Maybe he wants to stay away from home. If not, it means he's an insensitive father. When you have a conflict as a woman with an insensitive father, you begin to push him outside even more. Try to tell the father in a soft language that the child needs him. If it's possible, they should go to a consultant and get support and try to solve the problem from there. If he's a strict father, a father who humiliates and beats the child, if he's in such a mood it means that the father has psychological problems. If he's angry with the mother, if he has problems with the mother, they should solve it.
If it originates from the mother herself, for example some ladies can get on their husband's nerves with their words. They should check themselves. Is it me that makes my spouse angry, is he angry with me? And is he trying to punish me through my children? Think of it. If not, if it's the father's personal problem, then it's necessary to ensure that the father receives support. If needed, she can also make someone else mention that support indirectly. She can make an elder relative or friend say to him indirectly that he needs support. Otherwise, it's difficult for the mother to cope with the situation on her own. How can we find a solution to our child's tantrums and crying fits?
How should we approach them when they try to get what they want by crying? The solution is this: If the child's requests are not really natural requests, if the child is inclined to dominate, if he cries in order to seize power, there are usually no tears in such cries. The child cries but there are no tears. If that is the case, if the child cries like that, the mother and father should say: "My son, you're crying, but we're disturbed here." "Look, the next room is available, go there." "You can cry as much as you want there." Say it clearly with a determined tone. Don't shout or get upset. You need to make the child feel this: Your crying or whining does not affect us.
If he bangs his head on the floor or against the walls, you can just say "My son, look. The next room is more suitable." "You can bang your head more easily there." "Go, I'm talking with your mother now." Do not ever say, "My child, please, stop." "You might harm yourself." No. That's the goal of the child. He wants to make you beg. In such cases, if you're sure that what the child does is a power struggle, you need to be unresponsive there. Let him cry or whine. Never do as he says. The child will eventually learn this method doesn't work. He will stop it on his own. How should people who live with their extended families educate their children?
After all, there may be individuals who can set a bad example there. Yeah, it's a very problematic issue. It's very advantageous for a child to live in an extended family, let me underline it. I have no objection to it. A sense of belonging forms. A child who receives the love of aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, and who feels a sense of belonging to them becomes self-confident. But unfortunately, in the times we live in, everyone interferes with the child. Since everyone interferes with the education of the child the parents lose control and cannot set an example for their children. Then they start to develop anger and resentment towards the child.
You can be a grandfather, you can be an aunt, you can be an uncle, but please remember this: The guide of this child is his mother and father. Respect them. You cannot say, "What if he watched TV for 2 hours, don't exaggerate." No. You cannot do this. If the mother doesn't want her 3-year-old child to watch TV, you cannot spoil the child and let him do that. Because the child becomes self-interested, and manipulative, and he goes to whoever he can benefit from. Then the child thinks, "Grandma is very good, and grandpa is very good, but mom is bad." You start to make this child think his mother is an enemy to him. This time, the mom threatens the child in order not to lose control over him.
"Don't go to them, don't watch TV." The child falls out with the mother. Whether you're a grandfather or a grandmother, you should know that the child is the child of his own parents. And that they're responsible for the education. And that you should respect their education style. If it's wrong, you can say to them in a civilized way. "Daughter, you do something like this. Son, you do something like that." "I think you should think about it again." I think it's not very useful." You can say so. The child can be affected from the environment. Also in such environments, children can be affected in the wrong way. There may be wrong examples.
He can learn some foul words on the street, at school. He can learn bad things. If the child has a bond of trust with his parents, they shouldn't be afraid. If the boy learned wrong things and came and told you, "My friend acted like this, he did this and that," if you explain with love that what his friend did was wrong, and the right thing to do was this, the child would immediately relax. It's that simple. You will have this impact on the child because you have a bond with him. But if you don't have a bond, it won't do any good even if you preach him all day. When and how should we give privacy education to our children? Yes, a critical question. A sensitive question.
Unfortunately, they try to give this privacy education in some places like kindergartens. They try to explain it by opening it up. When you ask "Why are you telling children about it" they say "To satisfy their curiosity." No, you make the child more curious. What's more, the doors of the toilets are left open in some kindergartens. I say so because I know it. It isn't appropriate. Privacy education is taught by living. The privacy of the child's body belongs to him. If children learn that their relatives even their parents cannot touch their bodies without their permission, children can keep themselves much safer and healthier in the face of attacks, interventions, and abuses against them.
That is one aspect of the issue, the other is this. When the child reaches the adolescence period, not the parents, but, well... The mother can help the girl, but the boy should be informed in this regard by an elder cousin or a relative, not the father. The mother can inform her daughter about adolescence, it's okay. The daughter can sit with the mother and talk about these issues. But for the boy and the girl if there's an older brother, an older sister a responsible, trustworthy relative, they are better options to talk about these things. We don't find it appropriate to talk about those issues in public places. You talk about it at school, in the classroom.
And all children take part in it. We don't find it ethical and appropriate. My spouse and I have very different opinions related to raising children. How can we meet on a common ground? That's hard. They should have thought of it before getting married. That is what needs to be taken into account while choosing a spouse. Young people are not aware of it at the stage of choosing a spouse. Send a message, send a photo. "Good morning", "good afternoon". That's how they spend their time. Two people set off with a car. One is going to New York, and the other is going to Los Angeles. How is it possible? If I want to go to New York, I have to travel with someone who goes to New York with me.
Marriage is a journey. And you travel towards the destination. So, you cannot go towards two destinations at the same time. Therefore, in that case, the one who loves children more and establishes more trust bonds with the children tries to instill his/her own values in them. For example, if one of the spouses is religious, and the other is not, they will have serious problems. Both of them are close to each other in this regard. And if there are some differences related to childhood education methods only, they can get support from a consultant. They can try to find a common ground by checking and reading some resources.
Or they can go and get basic information about childhood education from a consultant whom both of them rely on. Then they should act accordingly. Otherwise, if their values or beliefs are different from each other, unfortunately it's very difficult. The one who manages to make the child love him or her more, starts to pull the child to their way. There's another question from a mother. My husband smokes and drinks and our children see him. What can I do about it? Of course ideally this mother should try to make her husband stop smoking and drinking. Again, if this problem was already there during the time of marriage process, she should have been more careful.
That is, she shouldn't have married an alcoholic. But if she says, "I got married, I noticed it later, I couldn't take the precaution at the beginning, the children grew up and reached a certain age." Then it's different. First, you cannot hide it for a long time. The children will find out about it sooner or later. If the mother has established a bond of love and trust with her children, the children are affected by the mother. And begin to adapt the mother's values.
When they hear about their father's situation, the mother can tell the children things like, "It's a problem, your father has fallen into this situation, he cannot manage to overcome it, so we need to help him." Without blaming the father fully. She can say "He has trauma, unfortunately your father fell into this situtation for such and such reasons." "That's why I'm trying to tolerate your father." "You should tolerate him like that too." "But what your father does is wrong." She can handle the relationship to a certain extent but it will be very difficult. Eventually children will be affected from this situation in some way. By doing these, the mother can only minimize this effect.
What should we do to our daughters who are distant from wearing hijab? Actually we mentioned the answer before. The child sees a value in someone she values, and values that value. If her mother wears hijab, and the child loves her mother, she will love everything that belongs to her mother. There are aunts, et cetera around her but she begins to adopt her mother's values in particular. But of course it's more difficult in this century, because girls, naturally, are more inclined to show their beauty compared to boys.
If you don't put pressure on the child, if you don't make the child hate it, as long as the child can manage her own emotions, when she decides the right time, she will adopt and do it. But some mothers and fathers force their daughter to wear hijab. Especially at an early age. Things like this happen a lot. She stopped wearing hijab at 18, she stopped wearing hijab at 14. I ask, "So when did she start wearing hijab?" They say, "When she was 6, 7, 8 years old." When you do it with force, the child reacts to it. Please try to prepare the environment and ground for her to do it lovingly, willingly. And by adopting it. I want to say it again.
The way to do it depends on establishing a bond of trust and love with the person who practices it. In short, make them love it, don't make them hate it. Give good news. Don't scare them. My child wants to spend the whole day in front of the screen. What should I do? How can I protect them from harmful content? How should I approach my child who is addicted to games? There are many answers to it. But I will tell you the simple answer. First of all, this century is the century of technology and this generation is a generation of technology. Let's face it. If we had been born in the same period we would have been the same.
If you don't want your child to become addicted to the internet, you need to produce an alternative for your child. In other words, if there's a warm relationship between the parents and the children in the house, if you have common games, if the child is happy with you, he will spend a lot of time with you. But if the father is in his corner with his phone, and the mother is in her corner with her phone, they'll make the children even more addicted by doing so. An alternative must be produced. It's clear. You should build games inside the house. Look, there are lots of family games out there. Type in the search engine, you'll find a lot of games. Produce alternatives.
Then the child won't be attracted by technology. Brother Ahmet, thank you very much. Again we received very good answers. May Allah be pleased with you. See you in next videos Inshallah. I want to thank you again. May Allah make our children a source of happiness for us, and us for our children, both in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet (saw) states the following in a hadith. When a human being dies, the reward of all his deeds comes to an end. Three things are excluded from it. "Sadaqah Jariyah", ongoing charity, knowledge that is benefited from, and the good child who prays for him.
In other words, if you manage to raise that child as a good son or daughter, they will continue to send you rewards by doing good things after you. Even if you pass away. You die in terms of sins, but you're in a way still alive in terms of good deeds. There's a huge opportunity. Therefore, we need to pay close attention to the emotional and religious development of our children. Otherwise, if we don't pay attention, there's a possibility of raising individuals who Allah forbid, will neither benefit themselves nor benefit us in the Hereafter. And might bring harm to themselves in this world as well.
The key thing in childhood education is body language, the language of behavior. Welcome again brother Ahmet. In our previous video, you answered our questions on childhood education. We learned really important information, and received very good feedbacks from our followers. Today we are going to ask you some questions that we received from mothers. Let's start with the first one. I can't be patient with my child's actions. I'm having a very hard time. How can we manage to restrain ourselves when we get very angry? This problem is not the child's problem. It's the parents' problem. It's a problem of parents who cannot manage their emotions.
We've come to this world so that some people will make us angry, some people will make us jealous, some will make us stubborn, and some will provoke us. We'll be tested like that. Not only our children, but also our neighbors, employees, employers will do things that will make us angry from time to time. That's why the verse in the Quran tells about controlling our anger. The parents have a problem. They need to go through anger management, to manage their emotions. If they have psychological problems, they need treatment. Otherwise such parents will make their child angry as well. Because being patient in childhood education is not like this.
The father gnashes his teeth and says "Oh Allah, oh my Lord, give me patience." It's not like that. In that case you transmit your anger to the child. It's a parental issue. They might be having problems between them. If the parents are not happy, things will not go well. Parents are role models. They should show examples of live by living. What can parents who fight everyday teach the child? How can they talk about prayer, how can such parents talk about religion, religious values, and patience? Values are abstract. There's a need for people to make them concrete. To illustrate and represent them in their life. And these people should be the parents.
We experience the following examples a lot. And 8-year-old child beats his 5-year-old brother. Shouts at him and beats him. The father comes and slaps the older one. He shouts out, "Why do you beat your brother? "Don't beat him!" Look, the father says something with his mouth but something else with his actions. He does the same thing as the older child does. If you ask the older brother, he will say his brother misbehaved. If you ask the father, he will say the older brother misbehaved. The same thing. You teach the negative by living. Ibn-i Sina, and the West knows him as Avicenna, says "Don't use words in the education of children.
The key thing in childhood education is body language, the language of behavior." Shall we try something? I will ask for a number but I don't want you to think about it. You should reply immediately. How much is this? - Two. How many fingers are there in one hand? - Ten. How many fingers are there in one hand? - Five. Yeah, see? What did I tell you? How many fingers are there in one hand? You said 10, you didn't listen to my words. You looked at my hands. The child looks at what you do. He does not look at what you say. You can say as much as you want, "One hand son, one hand." Over and over again, but... But you have raised both hands. Do you want rules at home?
Make the father follow the rules and make the mother also follow the rules. Leave the example. And the children will follow anyway. His circle of friends affects my child a lot. What steps should we take in this regard? Some mothers and fathers, yeah, keep the child at home because they think he'll be influenced by someone else outside in the wrong way. They don't allow him to go out. This is wrong. This child will eventually go out, and see the real life outside. He should learn it early. "But it's so bad outside." Yes, but it's bad for everyone's children. But you will eventually send the child into that environment. It won't get any better in the future.
You can allow the child to go out in a controlled setting. But of course you need to be careful about how he chooses his friends. The child may be wrongly influenced by his friends outside. He might learn wrong things. I say it again. If there's a bond of love and trust between you and the child, the child will come and tell you about them. He will inform you. If the child can't tell you those things out of fear then be afraid, because when you hear it, it will be too late. If there are dangerous friends and a dangerous environment, and if you say "Never meet that man, that child, that woman, that girl again." By imposing bans, you'll make him meet that person more.
You should come up with alternatives. Try to form different environments with children from his age group. You have to work on it. Try to form circles of good friends. If you already have basic values, and if your child has accepted those values, The child will immediately start to notice the mistakes he sees in the environment. He will reject them anyway. He won't accept them. He will come and tell you. "Mom, what a bad person he is, he takes drugs." "Really, my son? Yes, you must be really careful." And he'll say, "Of course, mom. I won't see him again." He will say this to you. If he has a bond with you, if his values are nurtured, the child will run away himself.
Because human beings reject things that are contrary to their nature. Is it right to do everything the child says and buy everything he wants? As parents, we don't want our children to be deprived of anything. It's absolutely wrong. I'll get whatever my child wants, right or wrong? It's completely wrong. Let me tell you the result. An insatiable child will emerge. Most of the children and adults who use drugs and alcohol were treated like that in the past. So, think about it. The child is only 10 years old. But everything was given to him. He tasted everything. The latest model of the phone has been bought for him. This has been bought, that has been bought.
There's no such thing as a target or a dream for him anymore. When the child gets them, he uses them for five minutes and gets bored. And he throws them aside. That's why it's not appropriate to buy a lot of toys The child needs parents, he needs relatives. He will receive the love from them. He just learns how to have fun with the toys. But when he plays with someone else it starts to turn into a communication. That's something else. The point that an insatiable child will get is to try to reach the things that give high pleasure. Therefore, we must be moderate. Something can be bought only if it's necessary. If it's not necessary, don't buy it. It's that simple.
Boy insists at 11 PM, "Go and buy me a burger." Don't do it. “Where can I find you a burger at this time of night, son? Not at this hour.” That's it. Say, "We won't. Okay, my love?" No need to shout, just take a determined stance. What type of solution can be used if there's constant fight and conflict between siblings? Fighting and conflict between siblings is a dealing mechanism that is learned. Because the parents have quarrels and conflicts between themselves. The children imitate them. That is what I want to emphasize. The child wants what his role models do. We are so happy. We have a great relationship as a couple, as parents, but our children fight. It's highly unlikely.
But if this actually happens, then he is a television boy. TV series, movies... It means the child was left unattended. And needless to say, a good mother and father won't do that either. We can see fathers who don't care about their children or who treat them very harshly. What method can mothers use in that case? Both are dangerous, that is... It's dangerous if the father is harsh, or uncaring. What lies behind the father's lack of care might be reasons such as the father might have wanted to distance himself from home. He might be workaholic. He might be coming home late. or he might be angry or furious. We have to know if there's a problem between him and the mother.
Maybe he wants to stay away from home. If not, it means he's an insensitive father. When you have a conflict as a woman with an insensitive father, you begin to push him outside even more. Try to tell the father in a soft language that the child needs him. If it's possible, they should go to a consultant and get support and try to solve the problem from there. If he's a strict father, a father who humiliates and beats the child, if he's in such a mood it means that the father has psychological problems. If he's angry with the mother, if he has problems with the mother, they should solve it.
If it originates from the mother herself, for example some ladies can get on their husband's nerves with their words. They should check themselves. Is it me that makes my spouse angry, is he angry with me? And is he trying to punish me through my children? Think of it. If not, if it's the father's personal problem, then it's necessary to ensure that the father receives support. If needed, she can also make someone else mention that support indirectly. She can make an elder relative or friend say to him indirectly that he needs support. Otherwise, it's difficult for the mother to cope with the situation on her own. How can we find a solution to our child's tantrums and crying fits?
How should we approach them when they try to get what they want by crying? The solution is this: If the child's requests are not really natural requests, if the child is inclined to dominate, if he cries in order to seize power, there are usually no tears in such cries. The child cries but there are no tears. If that is the case, if the child cries like that, the mother and father should say: "My son, you're crying, but we're disturbed here." "Look, the next room is available, go there." "You can cry as much as you want there." Say it clearly with a determined tone. Don't shout or get upset. You need to make the child feel this: Your crying or whining does not affect us.
If he bangs his head on the floor or against the walls, you can just say "My son, look. The next room is more suitable." "You can bang your head more easily there." "Go, I'm talking with your mother now." Do not ever say, "My child, please, stop." "You might harm yourself." No. That's the goal of the child. He wants to make you beg. In such cases, if you're sure that what the child does is a power struggle, you need to be unresponsive there. Let him cry or whine. Never do as he says. The child will eventually learn this method doesn't work. He will stop it on his own. How should people who live with their extended families educate their children?
After all, there may be individuals who can set a bad example there. Yeah, it's a very problematic issue. It's very advantageous for a child to live in an extended family, let me underline it. I have no objection to it. A sense of belonging forms. A child who receives the love of aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, and who feels a sense of belonging to them becomes self-confident. But unfortunately, in the times we live in, everyone interferes with the child. Since everyone interferes with the education of the child the parents lose control and cannot set an example for their children. Then they start to develop anger and resentment towards the child.
You can be a grandfather, you can be an aunt, you can be an uncle, but please remember this: The guide of this child is his mother and father. Respect them. You cannot say, "What if he watched TV for 2 hours, don't exaggerate." No. You cannot do this. If the mother doesn't want her 3-year-old child to watch TV, you cannot spoil the child and let him do that. Because the child becomes self-interested, and manipulative, and he goes to whoever he can benefit from. Then the child thinks, "Grandma is very good, and grandpa is very good, but mom is bad." You start to make this child think his mother is an enemy to him. This time, the mom threatens the child in order not to lose control over him.
"Don't go to them, don't watch TV." The child falls out with the mother. Whether you're a grandfather or a grandmother, you should know that the child is the child of his own parents. And that they're responsible for the education. And that you should respect their education style. If it's wrong, you can say to them in a civilized way. "Daughter, you do something like this. Son, you do something like that." "I think you should think about it again." I think it's not very useful." You can say so. The child can be affected from the environment. Also in such environments, children can be affected in the wrong way. There may be wrong examples.
He can learn some foul words on the street, at school. He can learn bad things. If the child has a bond of trust with his parents, they shouldn't be afraid. If the boy learned wrong things and came and told you, "My friend acted like this, he did this and that," if you explain with love that what his friend did was wrong, and the right thing to do was this, the child would immediately relax. It's that simple. You will have this impact on the child because you have a bond with him. But if you don't have a bond, it won't do any good even if you preach him all day. When and how should we give privacy education to our children? Yes, a critical question. A sensitive question.
Unfortunately, they try to give this privacy education in some places like kindergartens. They try to explain it by opening it up. When you ask "Why are you telling children about it" they say "To satisfy their curiosity." No, you make the child more curious. What's more, the doors of the toilets are left open in some kindergartens. I say so because I know it. It isn't appropriate. Privacy education is taught by living. The privacy of the child's body belongs to him. If children learn that their relatives even their parents cannot touch their bodies without their permission, children can keep themselves much safer and healthier in the face of attacks, interventions, and abuses against them.
That is one aspect of the issue, the other is this. When the child reaches the adolescence period, not the parents, but, well... The mother can help the girl, but the boy should be informed in this regard by an elder cousin or a relative, not the father. The mother can inform her daughter about adolescence, it's okay. The daughter can sit with the mother and talk about these issues. But for the boy and the girl if there's an older brother, an older sister a responsible, trustworthy relative, they are better options to talk about these things. We don't find it appropriate to talk about those issues in public places. You talk about it at school, in the classroom.
And all children take part in it. We don't find it ethical and appropriate. My spouse and I have very different opinions related to raising children. How can we meet on a common ground? That's hard. They should have thought of it before getting married. That is what needs to be taken into account while choosing a spouse. Young people are not aware of it at the stage of choosing a spouse. Send a message, send a photo. "Good morning", "good afternoon". That's how they spend their time. Two people set off with a car. One is going to New York, and the other is going to Los Angeles. How is it possible? If I want to go to New York, I have to travel with someone who goes to New York with me.
Marriage is a journey. And you travel towards the destination. So, you cannot go towards two destinations at the same time. Therefore, in that case, the one who loves children more and establishes more trust bonds with the children tries to instill his/her own values in them. For example, if one of the spouses is religious, and the other is not, they will have serious problems. Both of them are close to each other in this regard. And if there are some differences related to childhood education methods only, they can get support from a consultant. They can try to find a common ground by checking and reading some resources.
Or they can go and get basic information about childhood education from a consultant whom both of them rely on. Then they should act accordingly. Otherwise, if their values or beliefs are different from each other, unfortunately it's very difficult. The one who manages to make the child love him or her more, starts to pull the child to their way. There's another question from a mother. My husband smokes and drinks and our children see him. What can I do about it? Of course ideally this mother should try to make her husband stop smoking and drinking. Again, if this problem was already there during the time of marriage process, she should have been more careful.
That is, she shouldn't have married an alcoholic. But if she says, "I got married, I noticed it later, I couldn't take the precaution at the beginning, the children grew up and reached a certain age." Then it's different. First, you cannot hide it for a long time. The children will find out about it sooner or later. If the mother has established a bond of love and trust with her children, the children are affected by the mother. And begin to adapt the mother's values.
When they hear about their father's situation, the mother can tell the children things like, "It's a problem, your father has fallen into this situation, he cannot manage to overcome it, so we need to help him." Without blaming the father fully. She can say "He has trauma, unfortunately your father fell into this situtation for such and such reasons." "That's why I'm trying to tolerate your father." "You should tolerate him like that too." "But what your father does is wrong." She can handle the relationship to a certain extent but it will be very difficult. Eventually children will be affected from this situation in some way. By doing these, the mother can only minimize this effect.
What should we do to our daughters who are distant from wearing hijab? Actually we mentioned the answer before. The child sees a value in someone she values, and values that value. If her mother wears hijab, and the child loves her mother, she will love everything that belongs to her mother. There are aunts, et cetera around her but she begins to adopt her mother's values in particular. But of course it's more difficult in this century, because girls, naturally, are more inclined to show their beauty compared to boys.
If you don't put pressure on the child, if you don't make the child hate it, as long as the child can manage her own emotions, when she decides the right time, she will adopt and do it. But some mothers and fathers force their daughter to wear hijab. Especially at an early age. Things like this happen a lot. She stopped wearing hijab at 18, she stopped wearing hijab at 14. I ask, "So when did she start wearing hijab?" They say, "When she was 6, 7, 8 years old." When you do it with force, the child reacts to it. Please try to prepare the environment and ground for her to do it lovingly, willingly. And by adopting it. I want to say it again.
The way to do it depends on establishing a bond of trust and love with the person who practices it. In short, make them love it, don't make them hate it. Give good news. Don't scare them. My child wants to spend the whole day in front of the screen. What should I do? How can I protect them from harmful content? How should I approach my child who is addicted to games? There are many answers to it. But I will tell you the simple answer. First of all, this century is the century of technology and this generation is a generation of technology. Let's face it. If we had been born in the same period we would have been the same.
If you don't want your child to become addicted to the internet, you need to produce an alternative for your child. In other words, if there's a warm relationship between the parents and the children in the house, if you have common games, if the child is happy with you, he will spend a lot of time with you. But if the father is in his corner with his phone, and the mother is in her corner with her phone, they'll make the children even more addicted by doing so. An alternative must be produced. It's clear. You should build games inside the house. Look, there are lots of family games out there. Type in the search engine, you'll find a lot of games. Produce alternatives.
Then the child won't be attracted by technology. Brother Ahmet, thank you very much. Again we received very good answers. May Allah be pleased with you. See you in next videos Inshallah. I want to thank you again. May Allah make our children a source of happiness for us, and us for our children, both in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet (saw) states the following in a hadith. When a human being dies, the reward of all his deeds comes to an end. Three things are excluded from it. "Sadaqah Jariyah", ongoing charity, knowledge that is benefited from, and the good child who prays for him.
In other words, if you manage to raise that child as a good son or daughter, they will continue to send you rewards by doing good things after you. Even if you pass away. You die in terms of sins, but you're in a way still alive in terms of good deeds. There's a huge opportunity. Therefore, we need to pay close attention to the emotional and religious development of our children. Otherwise, if we don't pay attention, there's a possibility of raising individuals who Allah forbid, will neither benefit themselves nor benefit us in the Hereafter. And might bring harm to themselves in this world as well.